you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
