i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
