she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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