Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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