Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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