I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
