It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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