So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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