I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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