either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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