plz talk dirty to me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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