All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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