Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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