i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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