she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
