we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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