i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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