I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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