Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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