your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
