Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to fling myself into the sun
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
