Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
