saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
