We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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