Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
