Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
