so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
