3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
