My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
