Me too!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
