I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
