Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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