Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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