Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
