they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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