Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
