Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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