this boner is exhausting
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
