Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
