We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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