every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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