we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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