Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just google imaged poop.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
