you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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