we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
