Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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