I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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