I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
