Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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