Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
