i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
