I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
