My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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