remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
