wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Drake has all the answers
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
