I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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