just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
