dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My feet surprised me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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