you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
