I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
