He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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