My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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