Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
