you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
