here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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