i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!