so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome