I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again