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• (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  why is allison so mad at me??

  (469): View more from Texas

  me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  crap..

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

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• (+41): View more from Switzerland

  my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  It's after 5, it's not day drinking.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.

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