I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
