i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn