Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

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  (443): the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms http://tfl.nu/2y09
  Replies (22) Good night (4693) Bad night (1071)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

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  (214): don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out" http://tfl.nu/bp43
  Replies (30) Good night (9358) Bad night (1264)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

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  (718): I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed. http://tfl.nu/ihm6
  Replies (9) Good night (1682) Bad night (3877)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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  (773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao
  Replies (38) Good night (1499) Bad night (3804)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.

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  (631): I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York. http://tfl.nu/aty3
  Replies (22) Good night (1107) Bad night (3579)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

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  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8729) Bad night (1168)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"

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  (401): You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car" http://tfl.nu/0yb1
  Replies (7) Good night (2512) Bad night (1080)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.

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  (618): Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers. http://tfl.nu/lte3
  Replies (7) Good night (3254) Bad night (1174)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.

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  (860): Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know. http://tfl.nu/9803
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (1388)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Only if you say it like that.

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  (321): I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend? (727): Only if you say it like that. http://tfl.nu/7x70
  Replies (5) Good night (1748) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.

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  (613): We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me. http://tfl.nu/jjop
  Replies (9) Good night (2026) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.

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  (760): Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security. http://tfl.nu/lxl5
  Replies (9) Good night (1569) Bad night (540)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.

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  (403): The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume. http://tfl.nu/nbz2
  Replies (5) Good night (2441) Bad night (841)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.

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  (724): I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters. http://tfl.nu/g29w
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (555)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.

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  (901): Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department. http://tfl.nu/zcc1
  Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (336)

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