maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
