Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
