so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
