You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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