I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We are all done wearing pants today
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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