at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
