Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
