Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
