I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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