Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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