the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
