they need to just BURY HIM!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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