I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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