hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
