maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
