If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
