Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
