You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
