i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
