I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
