Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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